Thursday, June 25, 2009

Illuminati Crisis !

With all the economic catastrophe raining down on the world stage, it should come as no surprise that the illusive and rascally illuminati are in dire straights. Careful monitoring of the current global economic crisis reveals subtle signs that the “Secret Chiefs” may be in trouble. According to our sources, the Ancient Illuminated Seers of the Eschaton has initiated certain activities of a solicitous nature. “They have actually been so bold as to place membership advertisements in selected periodicals”… claims Jack Heart, our source of information and operative from the Legion of Dynamic Discord. According to Heart, the following advertisement was placed in “Geronimo”, the official newspaper for Yale University’s infamous Scull and Bones club…

Join the Illuminati today!
If your I.Q. is over 150, and you have $2300.00 (plus handling), you might be eligible for a trial membership in The Ancient Illuminated Seers of the Eschaton. If you think you qualify, put the money in a cigar box and bury it in your backyard. One of our underground agents will contact you shortly.
“This is clear evidence that the illuminati are hurtin’ for certain” continues Heart… “If they are soliciting membership from the Scull and Bones, they truly must be desperate!” “After all… If they would solicit from a club that would allow George W Bush as a member, they would take any buffoon!”

One thing is clear… desperate times call for desperate measures. If the illuminati truly are in fiscal crisis, then their lackeys at the Federal Reserve and WTO must really be in trouble! Who knows what consequences may result… Perhaps even a delay in the Immanentization of the Eschaton!


  1. What an interesting logo at the top of this article, reminds me of the minds eye era. Jack Heart lives! Shine forth brave soul 's! Dennis

  2. It's about time JH reared his ugly head! Given the times we find ourselves in, it seems a propos...

  3. We can only hope that the Illuminati will control the growing zombie population with less violent means